Monday, July 7, 2008

Plea for Common Courtesy :)

Let me start out by saying that overall, I believe this blog has the BEST members. In general, everyone has been super insightful and helpful with their comments, suggestions, and advice. Our willingness to share with each other is AMAZING!!! For example, I loved how we were all willing to report back from visits to stores this weekend with what was on sale and available. I am really grateful for everyone's help in making this blog so wonderful to be a part of. :)

My concern is as follows: I have noticed more and more comments (although they are still, thankfully, few in number) that are just negative with no value to the topic at hand. These negative comments not only distracts me from the conversation but also deters me from posting additional comments (and I can imagine it is deterring some of you from posting additional comments as well.)

Moreover, I notice that many of these negative comments are being posted under "Anonymous". I enabled the "Anonymous" posting feature because there are many of us unable to log-in with a blogger account, not so a few visitors can anonymously attack other posters or make rude comments. (I should also note, that the majority of "Anonymous" posters really have been and are fantastic!)

So this is my plea for common courtesy...
  1. Please don't post negative (or questionable) comments. (I hate the idea of "policing" this site by deleting negative comments with no added value.) If you are upset, please frame your point in a clear, logical manner without getting personal.
  2. Please don't assume the worst in the comments. (Sometimes what we write doesn't always come across the way we intended it to.) :)
  3. Please don't respond to negative (or questionable) comments. Just try ignoring it. ;)
Let's keep up the great community of sharing that we have built together! :)

58 comments:

  1. Thank you, I am getting really tired of defending myself and other great posters. I always apologize if I offended someone and I think that should be a general policy, not only here but in life. That said, there was a really nasty comment earlier today directed at FFM and another one at others.... And its tiring and takes the fun out of posting.

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  2. Blumre- I agree- Its disheartening to see a few negative comments being made when there is no need to.

    (Incidentally, FabulousFloridaMommy has been fantastic with all her posts! She is such a wonderful asset to this blog.)

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  3. I hate it when others assume the worst as well. I have always found the posts to be helpful on this blog, but I have also taken delight in the chuckles that I get from others (a BIG thanks to blumre and rachel in this department). It is a shame that the "men's clothing" post had to take an ugly turn because I was thoroughly enjoying reading eveything and getting a real laugh out of some of the comments made. Overall this is such a wonderful blog with such awesome people. I have made checking everyone's comments a regular part of my day (much like I used to get up and check jcrew.com's sale pages!! LOL). Keep up the great work Alexis because I feel that our "community" is a strong and CHEERFUL one!!

    jcrewjunkie :)

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  4. JCrewJunkie: Thanks for the nice comment! I really do think we have a great community. I agree that its "cheerful" and would like to keep it that way. :)

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  5. Alexis: Well said, as usual :)
    I absolutely love this blog & have made it part of my daily (multiple times a day!) reading. I think it best to ignore negative comments from 'Anonymous' folks, or anyone negative in general. There's always a bad apple, right?

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  6. Alexis, I use the Name/URL option to sign my posts and I haven't had any trouble with it. If the anonymous postings become a huge issue, could you take away the Anonymous option but still keep the Name/URL option? That would at least force posters to come up with a name when they post and maybe it will make the negative posters think twice before clicking "Publish."

    BTW, I'm sorry you've had so much trouble with negative posters. I've been really taken aback recently with some of the behavior on the blog. It's like as soon as the J. Crew website problems began irritable people began posting here. (Or maybe I wasn't reading when it was happening before.)

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  7. good job getting a handle on that one, alexis! like jcrewjunkie said, it was fun reading that string until it took a turn for the worse. it was great to hear from the guys...i hope they continue to contribute!

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  8. Hi Rach! Thanks for the nice comment about the blog. I really do think we have a great bunch of people here. :) I also like the suggestion of just ignoring negative comments. :) My hope is that no one "leaves" the blog because they are receiving a few negative comments. I think everyone can add something to our conversation.

    Hi Laura! I think your suggestion of the Name/URL is a great one! (I really do think if those few negative anonymous posters had to use a name consistently, they wouldn't post such negative comments.) ;)

    I prefer to not remove the anonymous posting feature because the majority of "anonymous" posters have been really fabulous. :)

    I also agree with you that the negative comments seem to appear more than usual around the time the website problems began.

    ccbmum: I was thrilled to see so many guys (besides Daniel who has commented before) commenting. I hope they are here to stay!

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  9. I think Alexis' post was very refreshing and much needed. With the JCrew site being down, this blog has been a great place for all of us to come together and discuss something we love. It's a great outlet for all of us to share, and not a complain-fest.

    That said, there are plenty of places in the world, and on the internet for negative people to hang out. I think that in the time this blog has been up, it has proved to be the exact opposite of that ... it's been cheery and welcoming.

    So Alexis, bless you for being so diplomatic in this, and for continuing to be a central place for all of us to share our love of JCrew.

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  10. I do agree. I think we can leave race, creed, and sexuality out of this blog due the fact that all of us are from different backgrounds, beliefs, and social groups with different opinions and upbringing. Any comment can be hurtful to someone else. And no matter what anyone says.. you are a product of your environment. Alexis: I hope you have more postings for guys.. I'm having fun responding to post on the blow tonight.

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  11. blow = blog

    NO MORE TYPING IN THE DARK!

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  12. Waaaahhhhhh!!! :( If you remove the anon option I won't be able to post. I have tried and tried to get my blogger name to work and it just won't! I always do put my siggy at the end of my posts...ALWAYS. Please don't take away anon...I'm begging you. I love it here!!

    jcrewjunkie :)

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  13. Thanks Cape Cod Betty! I agree this place has been a great outlet to share both the ups (e.g. finding a great deal on a J.Crew item) and the downs (e.g. finding the website down... again). ;) I hope no one should feel like they can't contribute (about J.Crew) here. :)

    Daniel: I agree with you too: that we all have different backgrounds and different perspectives. I will also definitely include more postings for guys. :)

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  14. I agree with Daniel. Looking forward to more posts for us guys. And Alexis, once again thanks for your great site.

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  15. I apologize if my anonymous comments on the previous post inspired the "plea for common courtesy," and I did not intend to detract from the discussion. As a gay man, I was personally offended by a few comments that I construed to be negatively stereotypical, and I was unable to remain silent. I will refrain from posting comments unrelated to clothing in the future. Again, apologies to Alexis, I have certainly appreciated your wonderful blog and 99% of others' comments.

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  16. Jcrewjunkie: Don't worry, I am not removing the Anonymous feature. :)

    As I mentioned before, I prefer to not remove the anonymous posting feature because the majority of "anonymous" posters have been really fabulous. :) I don't feel its right to "punish" all the anonymous posters (like you, Vivian, and others) who have been wonderful, just because a few are being negative.

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  17. Jcrewjunkie~ I like your posts, I'm glad Alexis is keeping the Anon option :-) And also glad a few people mentioned some things on here about negative comments--I was a little taken aback at some of the things certain people were posting. I actually had to take an Aficionada break for a few minutes there to recharge my optiistic batteries ;-)

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  18. *optimistic batteries* The sun just set and my lights were off. As Daniel said--"no more typing in the dark" :-)

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  19. Anon @ 8:46PM: If you were offended by anything that I had said in my comment, I am truly sorry. =( I did not mean to hurt or offend anyone - I guess I really could've phrased it better. Again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone with what I had posted. And thank you, Alexis, for such a thoughtfully written plea. =)

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  20. Anonymous at 8:46 PM: I appreciate where you are coming from and fully understand why you made your comments. As Daniel correctly pointed out, we all come from different backgrounds and that we should leave race, religion, sexuality out of the discussion. We should all feel welcomed to participate in the discussion without feeling alienated. So I do hope that you feel welcomed to participate and please continue to comment in this blog. :)

    For everyone: please know that the plea for common courtesy wasn't targeted towards any one in particular. It was actually something that I thought was needed for some time now. :)

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  21. it's nice to see everyone getting along :)...it's that darn website (like alexis and laura said) making everyone irritable...as soon as they fix things over there everyone will feel much better. c'mon jcrew...hurry up and get the website back in order...peace :)

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  22. thanks alexis, and thanks to everyone else. My recent discovery of this blog has been wonderful to say the least and I hope we can all continue to help maintain this wonderful community. I really appreciate the fact that we can all come here and discuss our beloved jcrew:) Hopefully whatever negative comments appeared was just a phase, I really don't see the point of adding negative comments (why read/comment at all if you don't like it?)

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  23. sorry anonymous at 8:46pm i just realized my post may have come out negatively, I haven't seen the negative comments on the previous post (?), this was in no way targeted toward anyone. anyway I hope everyone's 4th of July weekend went well:)

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  24. Yes anon at 8:46 I hope one bad experience does not keep you from frequenting. Take my posts with a grain of salt, as I pointed out I have nothing against any orientations.

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  25. I just found this blog and I love it! Glad to know there are others out there that love J. Crew as much as I do :) Hi everyone!

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  26. Hi Julie- Welcome aboard! It's always great to see there are other J.Crew Aficionadas out there! :)

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  27. jcrewjunkie I don't want to lose your posts either! I've enjoyed yours and others posts back from when I was a lurker to now when I am timidly posting here and there.

    So I understand that you aren't able to use your blogger name, but do you not have the Name/URL option second from the bottom of the options list? Since I don't have a Google/Blogger name I've been using the Name/URL option to sign my posts. Either way, I hope Alexis never has to resort to something like taking away the Anonymous option. Hopefully the negativity will melt away when J. Crew has a functioning website again and we can pretend like this whole nightmare never happened.

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  28. Hi everyone:)

    Wow, I missed it all didn't I? I'm away from my computer around the evening to feed my toddler, bathe him and put him down to sleep.

    I want to say that I love this blog! Everyone here is very friendly and loves J Crew fashion as much as I do. I also think it's nice that we keep our eyes open when we go to the b&m stores, and letting each other know what and where we found items in stock.

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  29. Anonymous at 8:46 -- just wanted to say I'm a straight woman and I took offense at some of the comments in the previous post! So don't feel like you were alone, and in fact I thought your replies were perfectly courteous in tone -- I thought you handled things with tact, something quite rare when people are offended or being defensive.

    So yes, just wanted to say I was with you on that last post :)

    And I do agree the posters on this blog seem to be good-natured, just for the record.

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  30. I also didn't think that the Anonymous poster was rude. If anything, blumre and Rachel seemed very very slightly snotty at times (and I am refering to the menswear thread), but generally, it all seemed okay. However, Anonymous, please come up with a name, because you are now "the gay guy on the J.Crew site" in my mind.

    I didn't think the comments about thinking that only gay guys would wear certain things were offensive or rude. The parts I thought were slightly rude were the silly things about saving drama for your momma (although I am always a sucker for a rhyme), and some of the country club stuff.

    I know I'm probably upsetting some people by saying this, but I just wanted to point out how things were coming across. I think some of you know each other pretty well (in an internet sort of way) and took sides for the wrong reasons.

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  31. OK... In light of preventing anyone else from getting upset I think the best thing to do would be to stop discussing past upsetting posts, particularly if they have already been discussed/apologized for.

    Rachael and I were joking around. But I do think somethings others said were meant to be mean.

    Having said that. Lets stop the discussion, because its just going to lead to someone else getting upset. And, frankly, I think that is a little pointless at this point.

    As I said before, I think a good general policy would be to say sorry if you annoy or hurt someone else. After all nothing is based on intentions but everything is based on perceptions.

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  32. "nothing is based on intentions but everything is based on perceptions." blumre: I LOVE that! Did you come up with that?

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  33. I would prefer to not bring up specifics to any particular post. If you notice, I didn't call anyone out specifically (or mention any post specifically) because I don't want anyone to feel alienated from posting on this site and leaving. Like I said before, we all have something to contribute.

    (Also, the anonymous reference was not targeted towards "Anonymous at 8:46 PM." It was a trend I was noticing on several different posts.)

    The whole point of the post was to stop writing negative (and questionable) comments. So please, let's move forward. :)

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  34. Okay, to try to change the topic: Can I (again) suggest a thread on J.Crew prints?

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  35. and I didn't mean "again" as a snotty thing. I meant that I knew I had said it before, but I was trying again. You gals & guys might think it is a boring topic.

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  36. Mekiki: I wrote the following in the other post (about the andie bag) when you asked about prints:
    "...there hasn't been a specific post about prints, just items with prints (like men's paisley pants, or the Angler-print Tank Dress). If you explain a little bit more about what kind of post you would like about prints, I will be sure to post one! :)"

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  37. Oh okay, sorry. I guess I mean which ones do people like, do we like that they come and go so quickly, are there any that you like so much that you think it is kind of a classic. Hmmm, maybe I'm not exactly sure what I meant.

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  38. mekiki haha: no i wish i did that was a complete rip off from my grandfather when he was offended by something someone else said and meant in a nice way. But he was right! It doesnt matter how it was intended, if it came across badly, its the other person's fault!

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  39. This is way off topic, but Alexis, can you share with us the # of hits you are getting each day on your blog (even approximate?) I'm dying to know...seems like your audience is multiplying by the hour...Congrats on that!

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  40. An idea for a future thread: I'd be interested in hearing what each person's OLDEST J.Crew item is. I'm 27 and still own items purchased in high school! One in particular is a cardigan with a great floral print; has to be at least 10 years old, but it's held up -- a testament to JC's quality. At least, that was the quality then -- I know there was a big "featherweight" revolution that I think was just ingenius marketing -- you can use lighter weight fabric (seems lower quality) and charge more... But anyway, I'd be curious to hear what peoples' oldest J.Crew items are. I've even thought about how fun it would be if J.Crew held a contest along the same lines -- what's your oldest/favorite item, and you send in a picture, and then maybe the winning item gets re-issued in limited edition or something. I don't know, just kind of fun revisiting past items and seeing which ones really hold a spot in peoples' hearts.
    - emily

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  41. Make more j.crew clothes, not war!July 8, 2008 at 12:31 AM

    group hugs ladies!!! fall 2008 is just around the corner. let's rejoice in things that matter most, rather than pointing fingers at things of no concern to most. =)

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  42. I haven't been following the comments too much but am an avid reader of this blog. I love this blog and the people who follow it because everyone is so nice and helpful! I've been posting under anonymous in the past, but just registered for blogger since this is such a nice community to join!

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  43. emily: great idea!...OK, i'm 39 and i know i still have a t-shirt from when I was in highschool lying around somewhere!! :0 that's when the baggy/oversized t-shirt look was in...i have a lot of sweaters that were unisex from like 10/15 years ago...i don't wear them anymore but they're so nice i can't give them away! i actually gave one to my husband and it fits him perfectly!

    and i know what you mean about the lighter weight merino coming out...my favorite black cardigan is made of the lighter weight merino. when i first got it i also thought jcrew was getting cheap! i think it's 10 years old now and it's held up wonderfully...i still wear it all the time!

    Make more j.crew clothes, not war!: haha love the name! i'll be first in line for fall stuff...

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  44. I notice that now (10:00 pm PST) the site is down altogether with a note saying "be back soon"...about time!!!

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  45. alexis: Thank you for posting this. :)

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  46. Alexis: Thanks for your thoughtful and diplomatic plea, and for including me in your list of nice anonymous posters!

    I've been trying to figure out how to set up an account. What is name/URL?

    I see that most posters, anon or otherwise, try to avoid offending the others. The few negatives cannot take away the overall greatness of this site!

    -- Vivian

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  47. Good morning:)

    I'm reading the NYT online and there is an article about the CW show Gossip Girl and it's influence on the fashion/ retail market. I haven't seen this show (then again, I'm no longer a teen ager:( , but if you read the story, it talks about colorful preppy clothing that the younger generation is now copying from what the stars are wearing on the show. I'm looking at the online photos and I think some of the looks can be found in J Crew (ie. bright colors, blazers and coats with men's tie fabric trimmed, crested logo buttons, etc). Maybe just a coincidence that J Crew updated their website prior to this year's Fall and maybe the young models who will be seen in the upcoming catalogs and website will probably be younger looking and look similar to the stars of the show?

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  48. emily: what an awesome idea! I have two Cashmere Grandpa cardigans from about 7 years ago that I still cherish and wear all winter. I also have a burgundy tee from probably 15 years ago that still looks incredible with moss chino shorts and gold capri sandals!! I love the slub and ringspun cottons that they sell now, but this tee was "beefy" in texture and has withstood the test of time!! It looks as incredible now as it did years ago! I am sure that I have more, maybe even older, J Crew but these are the things that come to mind. :)

    jcrewjunkie

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  49. Well said Alexis, thanks for keeping us in check!
    So has anyone bought anything lately?... come on... i know you have. I have, even if it takes forever to get it ;)

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  50. Alexis, thanks for bringing this up and addressing it so eloquently. As a new "regular" reader rather than a participant, I found myself not wanting to read the blog as much when there are negative comments. I'm glad so see so many here feel the same way about it.

    And while I'm at it, I also want to comment on how I love the ideas and thoughts that are still being exchanged here even though JCrew has not come up with anything new in the past 2 weeks. Thanks for this great blog (I come to it right after I go to the JCrew website in the morning, :-) )

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  51. Hi Meeghen: The number of visits isn't as high as one might think it is. It ranges from 1,000-3,000. As of lately it is more like in the 2,000 area. When the blog started out, it was just around 300 a day. What is cool is that the visits have come from (so far) 63 countries. :)

    Emily: I think it is a great idea so I made it into its own post! :)

    Make more j.crew clothes, not war!: Love your blogger name. Couldn't agree with you more. :)

    Shopaholic: I am happy to hear you join our community- We love to hear from another J.Crew Aficionada!!! :)

    Maggie May: The website upgrade of J.Crew is really a disgrace- it should be working by now. ;)

    FabulousFloridaMommy: Thanks! :)

    Vivian: You have been great! I definintely think the majority of Anonymous posters have been fabulous.

    Webbysuzy: I am ashamed to admit that I watch Gossip Girl. I got to be honest, I don't think they wear J.Crew. :) Those girls are decked out in Prada, Gucci, Fendi. I think Marc Jacobs is "dressing down" for them. Even the "poor" girl on the show wears designer outfits. I was kind of shocked by that.

    Remember Save by the Bell and the outfits that Kelly, Zach, Slater, and the gang wore? You just knew you could get whatever outfit they were wearing at the local mall that weekend! ;)

    Marisa: I am getting two jackets in the mail (from ordering at the store). I will let you know when I get them! ;)

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  52. Paula: Thanks for the nice comment! :) I also agree with you, the members of this blog have come up with some great ideas for J.Crew that I hope they take into account.
    P.S. We are excited to have you as a "new regular reader"! :)

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  53. webbysuzy: I have to admit, one of my guilty pleasure shows is Gossip Girl. :) Not only did I watch it the first season, but I made my fiancee watch it with me. I think it is sort of like Sex and the City but without the "why are you wearing that!?" factor. Most of the outfits are SO CUTE!

    And as for whether J.Crew sells something like that ... awhile back, one of the leads of the show wore this yellow-trimmed Balenciaga blazer that I totally loved. Check it out here. There was speculation it was from J.Crew because they had a similar jacket out last year before people figured out it was Balenciaga from 2-ish years ago.

    Anyway, if you want to see more of the preppy outfits the show showcases, just do a Google Image search. Or click here. Some of the stuff is over the top preppy but some stuff is also so adorable. :)

    And I should add that there are two preppy guys, one who is more conservative and one who is a little more fashion-forward (neck scarves and turtle necks). I know it's boring of me but I love the more conservative guy, he always has the greatest sweaters and shirts. And I bet he would wear a sexy watch!

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  54. I should comment that the Google image search has some of the actress' promo pictures in there. But there are also lots of good on-set stills.

    And also I thought I'd add that the show is so unrealistic, fashion-wise. :) There is a character from Brooklyn that all the UES make fun of for being "not one of them" but the fashion designers let her carry around $5,000 handbags and wear super expensive clothes. She still looks amazingly cute but still. :) They can't portray her as that and then let her outfit cost more than the mortgage / rent her family pays for their loft.

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  55. melanie: Love reading your comment:) I'm so out of the 20's set! Although I do live here in NYC, I have seen the prep girls make it their regular habit to run into Sephora after school and try on some makeup. They are cute and they do "trick out" their uniforms.

    The great thing about living here is all the fashion that my eye can see: in the newspapers, on tv, magazines, storefronts, everyday people on the street and the web. My husband is not preppy at all, and he looks like a rocker and has people fooled, but he is a actual geek! LOL

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  56. Thanks webbysuzy. :) I enjoy reading your comments as well! Can't wait to see what the new "preppy trend" entails. :)

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  57. Hi everyone. Just wanted to 2nd the group hug idea.

    Also...giving a shout out to tired_memphian who has not been around in awhile. :-)

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Dear J.Crew Aficionadas & Aficionados: Please feel free (and encouraged) to share your thoughts and opinions. :) However, please note that this is still a personal blog. So comments that are considered inappropriate (e.g. obscene, racist, homophobic, personal attacks, rude, and just plain mean) will be removed.

And now back to J.Crew! :)